First entry...

Great night! At first I was afraid it was going to be lame and I’d be in all night, but that thankfully didn’t happen. Went out and had a pretty good time. :-P When I got home “Dr” Tom suggested that to gain weight I should smoke pot cause I’d be hungry and I wouldn’t be stressed. I sorta laughed and declined explaining again that I’ve never done nor do I want to do drugs. He then said my issue might be that I’m not open to hooking up with people. I actually laughed at that one, he’s a funny guy.

Talked to Derek for a bit, he’s in town for break, I’ll probably try to see him while he is around. Spoke a bunch of other people who I haven’t talked to in awhile. By far the convo of the night with was a friend who is a grad student at Harvard GSD. I’ve known this guy for awhile and every time he messages me he somehow manages to bring up his desire to “fuck” me. Always about sex… ::shakes head:: He asked if I was still into the person I was into in October and if we are seeing each other. I told him no of course. He knew that though so not sure why the heck he brought it up. So then he went on to tell me about some of the guys he’s recently been with, like I want to hear about this stuff at 3AM?? Some blond kid Justin who is a bar back or a bartender at Dedo and then some blond grad student Brad who has an “amazing ass,” but is always seeing someone new. I’ve never been into asses so when he talks about them I’m kinda lost. I asked about the kid he was “dating” when we last spoke but he said that he lost interest in the kid and pretty much ditched him. For someone who claims they are busy in studio all the time, he somehow manages to have a new interest or hookup all the time. I did agree to get dinner with him back in early September which he reminds me of all the time, but I’m really not all that keen on it since it’s pretty clear what he wants. I wish he and Orlin would just date or something, they live pretty close to each other in Cambridge now so it’d be mutually beneficial. Plus I think he’s gone through all the Cambridge grad students apparently and Orlin is just an undergrad :-P

So I went to bed around 330ish I think and around 430 I woke up thinking about Lindsay. It’s not unusual for me to wake up, but to think about her definitely was unusual. It was in mid September that she was murdered/slaughtered and the trial won’t be until mid 2006 from what I recall. I had this feeling of, “holy shit” she’s dead. As if after all these months the reality of it all hadn’t hit me until I was lying there. I remember at the time trying to remain steady for my mom and her best friend who I was close to throughout junior high and high school and then getting lost in meeting someone new and loads of school work. In three months I can’t recall ever thinking about her murder and every time I’ve been asked about emotional stress I’ve never mentioned it because I probably wasn’t conscious of it. I thought it was odd that after such a great night, feeling really relaxed and getting so psyched about finally taking a break from stuff that would pop into my mind. Maybe it was so I could bring it up tomorrow morning since I’m leaving MA for break. I’m still kinda stunned by it all. For the first few minutes I just kept thinking, wow that bastard really did it, he should have the same thing happen to him, and I can’t believe that really happened. I’m sure it sounds dumb, but it was surreal to think about. Someone you are close to is stabbed and then has their head severed, that’s the type of thing you watch on Law and Order or Cold Case Files, not something that happens to someone you know. I was tempted to call up Caitlin but I didn’t want to upset her, she was her best friend and it was 430AM Hmm I don’t really even know what to say now. The whole thing is still kinda like WOW when it probably should be more like a past tense reaction of some sort.

Going to take a nap for a few and then probably meet up with a friend for lunch and bumming around the city. Tentative dinner plans with Ian tonight. I hope he isn’t stuck at the office yet another night. They are working him to death which I guess isn’t surprising as they did pay for HBS; give the guy a break though. lol